ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
