the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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