I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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