I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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