Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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