You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
