CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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