Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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