i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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