This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
