....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
