I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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