it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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