Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
