I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
