I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
