I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want nice things and good sex
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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