Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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