I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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