The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
