the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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