oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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