she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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