just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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