all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i've created a new STD.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
