He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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