Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's shark week go big or go home
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we should paint friendship bongs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
