I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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