I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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