If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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