Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
