I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please come you make the beer taste better
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
