Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
