So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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