nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
