so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
