Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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