I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
