why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
