i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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