Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
