Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're like the curious george of whores
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
