remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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