I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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