Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
