Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
