I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
