I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
