I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
