took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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