Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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