I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
