he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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