never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
