we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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