uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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