I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We won't sleep together?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
