yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
