I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Text me some of your sweat
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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