no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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