Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
