I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
