More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
