I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
