He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
